Ling~*, 18. Likes art, colours, cloud-watching, daydreaming, ice-cream, cookies with milk, cats and definitely literature. Also likes butterfly wings and candles, and when in a sadistic mood, likes them particularly together.
Flip side: a taste for generally morbid and depressing stuff, existential angst, and whatnot.
Owns (in a manner of speaking) a one-year-three-month old ginger tabby who somehow has the notion he's a tiger.
==wish list==
-"The Artwork of the Fellowship of the Ring" by Gary Russell
-"This Diary Will Change Your Life" by Benrik
-"Selected Poems" by Pablo Neruda
==credits==rainbow*connections,
but I've edited most of the template away myself (replaced picture, changed colour, etc).
Click here to see the original.
"Say, it's only a paper moon
Sailing over a cardboard sea--
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me
It's a Barnum and Bailey world
Just as phony as it can be--
But it wouldn't be make-believe
If you believed in me..."
Hi people. I'm asking all my friends to remove my link from their blogs. So pls remove my link if you have ever linked me. I have also quit Friendster, so don't expect to find me there. I originally intended to end this blog as well but I think I'll settle for moving. From now on, this site is dead; if you want my new address please e-mail me.
Watched The Two Towers today amongst other less pleasant things. I'm in love, and his name is Legolas.
Let's believe in the make-believe people, because make-believe don't hurt me.
I just want to feel safe in my own skin,
I just want to be happy again
I just want to feel deep in my own world
But I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore
On a different day,
if I was safe in my own skin,
then I wouldn't feel lost and so frightened
But this is today and I'm lost in my own skin
And I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore
I just want to feel safe in my own skin,
I just want to be happy again.
If I have to recount every single thing that happened to me between 2.30pm yesterday afternoon and 9.35am this morning (which was when I woke up) I'll probably be blogging until Doomsday, so I guess I'll do it numbered:
1. Heels. Are. The most incredibly torturous things to walk/ wobble in. I cheated a little and got low heels, but although I expected the usual shoe problems, I never realized that I had to DOUBLE my expected travelling time. At least I had the time to amuse myself, wondering about the possible "murder by designer" scenarios that could happen (e.g. being in danger of getting run over by a car and unable to run in heels). I had an online friend who once said that Man has always been most inventive when it comes to torturing his own kind. ...Well when he came up with theory that he was actually viewing the torture instruments used in the Spanish Inquistition, but I think high heels come pretty close to that description.
2. Hair. Did my hair at Reds with Mi'er and the lady did something to me that I was awfully horrified with. However, since no one gave me any strange looks I suppose it was fine after all (now why do I always value the opinions of others so much more than my own??). And it was quite interesting there, they actually serve you tea and biscuits while you're getting your hair done. The lady did something to the back end of my hair with a temporary straightener, and she was practically ironing me right in front of my eyes -- a whole lot of smoke was rising from my hair. I suddenly developed an acute compassion for all things fried.
3. Makeup. Got it done at Anna Sui. Not too bad, except the mascara, which really STUCK to my face and later clumped my lashes together. One useful thing you people might like to know: It's definitely waterproof. How do I know this? Well I washed my face -- TWICE -- last night with soap and water, and the darn mascara just REFUSED TO COME OFF.
All that being said, Prom made me feel sincerely happy to be a woman, despite torture instruments and eyelash-curlers and foundation powder that choked up every inch and every pore of my skin. It's the fact that we are even able to do these things. The girls came with different hairstyles and all sorts of designs and colours of dresses, and even temporary body/ nail tattoos... but it was hard, to be honest, to tell one guy from another. They all looked too much alike. It was nice when Prom King was announced... my ex-classmate has become very different from the time I knew him last.
Then I went to Mi'er's house and we watched movies until 6 am. ^_^ "8 Women" was a really good film but when it ended and we started discussing it, we found an awful lot of loopholes in the plot. Then we had another French-related movie, and Bjork's "Dancer in the Dark". It creeped me out right from the start so we only watched the beginning and then the end (where Bjork gets hanged). I went out into the living room while Mi'er watched the part that leads up to the murder. (I hadn't the nerves for it.) The atmosphere reminds me strongly of "The Blair Witch Project" and they used the same technique too... hand-held cameras. It was the most disturbing film I've ever watched, and I hadn't even watched it whole.
Alright... I'm surviving on 3 hours of sleep right now, so I'd better get back to bed...
G# minor - You are not totally happy, and you know it. At least you are trying to do something about it. You like to think and create to try and sort out your problems. Keep going the way you are, and you will soon be on speaking terms with your demons.
(On speaking terms with my demons?? O__O; No thanks... I think people usually exorcise those)
Just finished painting my nails and held them up for Miaka to sniff. He gave me a very cute wrinkle of the nose and a disdainful look ^_^
It's weird but now that all the fuss about prom is over and the night is finally here, I'm not even sure if I want to go at all. As I wrote in Qinying's tagboard, I have an inner conviction that it's gonna be awful... that I'm going to look awful... or I'll catch sight of someone (I nearly typed "something". Hmm) that I don't want to meet... or I'll just be bored to death the entire evening and no one will even want me to take photos with them...
I mean the whole hustle and bustle of shopping and planning and discussing things with friends -- being allowed to be a bimbo for a while and even getting a budget for it -- was really fun and even exciting but I'm not sure if I'd get much more pleasure than staying home to watch "A Streetcar Named Desire" on TV. (Which, timing of all disastrously bad timings, just has to show on the night of my prom. And it happens to star Marlon Brando and Vivian Leigh.)
Alright. Time for lunch, then out for hairdo and makeover.
Death's Echo W. H. Auden (1907 - 1973)
[Click here to view full poem]
A friend is the old old tale of Narcissus
Not to be born is the best for man
An active partner in something disgraceful
Change your partner, dance while you can.
The greater the love, the more false to its object
Not to be born is the best for man
After the kiss comes the impulse to throttle
Break the embraces, dance while you can.
The desires of the heart are as crooked as corkscrews
Not to be born is the best for man
The second-best is a formal order
The dance's pattern; dance while you can.
Dance, dance, for the figure is easy
The tune is catching and will not stop
Dance till the stars come down from the rafters
Dance, dance, dance till you drop.
I mean, I can already imagine how the conversations are going to go. They all seem extremely well-versed in the art of How to Bore your Listeners, your Children, and Every Surrounding Household Plant to (absolute, utterly painful) Death. Topic 1 goes something like this:
"Ah, your daughter has grown so tall!"
(Which is a BLATANT lie, as I haven't grown an inch since I was fourteen.)
"Oh yes...your son too! Oh how old is he? Which school?" (and so they go on about Primary school education for the next fifteen minutes, which inevitably includes a rant about the unfairness of the Singapore education system)
A pause while they recollect that I am still standing there and waiting for the signal to sit.
"So... how old is she?"
"Eighteen."
"Wow, eighteen already! And so pretty!"
"Thank you..." (this from me, wondering if that is another blatant lie)
And the cheekier ones... "Any boyfriend yet?"
"No..."
"What? Not a single one going after you?"
"Ah... no...
(There is NOTHING more humiliating than admitting to your relatives that you are not very attractive at all. And soon they'll be wondering when I'll be getting married, upon which I swear I will MOVE to another galaxy.)
So Topic 1: Me. At least none of the other kids get off it either.
"Wow, the weather is so hot, huh?"
"Oh, yes! And it's been so hot in the day and cold at night. Sure to get sick."
"Ah... maybe you should boil herbal tea, I heard it helps..."
Topic 2: Weather.
"Did you read the news recently?"
"Oh yes! That case... shocking!"
"Yah and have you heard? That Malaysia and the water agreement!..."
Topic 3: Politics.
Now if I have already heard, memorized and can mouth their speeches with them, what is the sense of making me sit through it all over again? I don't much care for them. They don't much care for me. We can sit through dinners and birthdays and weddings together, but at the end of the day all what it produces is Small Talk. And small talk doesn't let you know anything about a person's real personality, or aspirations, or interests. It's just a filler to pass the time. And I pass time perfectly well at home, thank you.
Maybe I should conduct a social experiment. Maybe I should turn up one day wearing knee-high leather boots and fishnet stockings and one pirate patch over the eye, and a sweet little-girl skirt to match. Maybe I should wear my Indian bangles and a seriously multicoloured headscarf. Then I will sit quietly in a corner, as usual, and see what they have to say.
Or maybe I should pretend to be studiously reading a book (none of them realise yet that the only reason I do it is to get out of the Small Talk), but hide a notebook among the pages. And I shall record all their threads of conversation and note down any patterns and circular speech and pauses. And soon I'll have a real-life Absurd Play on my hands.
Read part of Bridget Jones' Diary II at Borders today ^_^ which was pretty funny, though it just repeated a lot of stuff in Diary I (Smug marrieds, Mark Darcy, calorie count obsessions, etc). What really surprised me was the Jude & Vile Richard wedding... (oops, spoiler?), though I didn't see what led up to that. I only read about a third of the book off the front and a few pages off the back, so as to make head and tail of it (har har).
Been thinking seriously about chopping my hair off lately. More specifically, I want to (a) Change my parting (b) Get it layered (c) Lop off 10cm of it. AT LEAST. Wondering whether or not to get it highlighted, as I think red might be nice. And seeing that my hair grows at about the same rate of Father Christmas' beard (i.e. never, because, dear boys and girls, Father Christmas' beard is FAKE. Shhh), the colouring shouldn't grow out for a long time. But it mightn't be wise to cut my hair just as the weather is getting colder.
Am buying the "Art of the Fellowship of the Ring" from Borders. Yay ^_^
Was sitting up late before the TV last night waiting for the Arts Central Christmas Special (some medley with lots of different musical instruments...) and since I was fifteen minutes early I tuned in to "Are You Hot??" ... Let me first defend myself by saying that the only other alternatives were Charlotte Church and the News. That being said, I have to admit that I didn't much mind watching "Are You Hot" anyway. I don't watch it for the men, mind. But I think the women were pretty and it was vaguely interesting to see them putting themselves up for disgrace. And insult. You know, some of them actually look like the awfully-clean decent type, the kind you'd pass by on the street and not look twice (except at the face.) One of them is even a nanny.
(For those who don't know it already, I'm pretty sensitive to the News. I can't bear to watch it. I don't like politics. I don't like history. I don't like economics. I don't like anything that smacks of rigid facts and doom and wars and blood, blood, blood. I hate it all especially when my mom tells me about this or that person who was run over by a railway train or some cat who was tortured to death and I can picture it all so graphically it's really quite unbearable...
As for Charlotte Church, I couldn't stand listening to her since a year ago, when I was doing CIP at the Bird Park with Serene, Mary and Clive. I did ten hours CIP per day. And they played the same Charlotte Church CD over and over again, on loop, for at least two full days while I was there. Now try listening to Charlotte Church for twenty hours and see if you can still abide listening to her.)
Yeah. So it was "Are You Hot" instead.
Didn't take me more than five minutes of viewing to realise a certain pattern emerging: they all want the women to be as stick-thin and curvy as possible, while the men were marching out like great chunks of meat. And not even hunks either. Chunks. There is something very strange (visually) about having one tottering thin female after another coming out, followed by a man with arm muscles twice the size of her legs. Now it's been said that we are attracted to the... ah, shapes... of the opposite sex mostly due to our biological functions. Be fruitful and multiply, as you'd recall. But I can't imagine anyone wanting to be fruitful and multiplying with men who looked like they'd golf balls under their skin. The abdominal muscles, fine. But the thick neck and bulging arms?
And you know what was the weirdest thing? They showed a short video clip of each contestant before he or she came out. And they were showed at home and dressed in normal clothes. And they all looked so ordinary, especially the men, who were mostly dressed in turtlenecks. The contrast was freaking obvious. Men look so much better with their clothes on; a naked man looks more like a joke.
Anyway, I'm mightly pleased with Arts Central this hols. They have plenty of stuff lined up... there's even "A Streetcar Named Desire"! And "Never Been Kissed"! I'll be spoilt for choice...
One of those quiz things... Don't usually like quizzes, but it sure beats getting back to Shakespeare...
Name : Ling...
Time started: Like, time of typing quiz or time of conception? (With this question slotted between "name" and "birthdate" the possibilities are... ambiguous)
Birthdate: 16/02/85
Righty or lefty: righty
~~~~~Your Looks~~~~~
Hair Colour: Black...
Eye Colour: One green eye and one blue
Do you wear contacts or glasses?: Why do you wanna know?
Do you have any piercings: Don't believe in paying people to poke holes in my body
Do you wear any rings: If I get married I will
What shoes do you wear: Comfortable ones
~~~~~Just Lately~~~~~
How are you today: Alive
What pants are you wearing: ooh... you really wanna know?
What shirt are you wearing: My shirt
What does your hair look like at the moment: Wet
What song are you listening to right now: the one in my head
What was the last thing you ate: breakfast?
How is the weather right now: COLD.
The last person you talked to on the phone: This is getting awfully boring
~~~~~More About You~~~~~
What are the last four digits of your phone?: Call me and find out
If you were a crayon what color would you be? Multicoloured pastel with an inner core of purplish black. No, I don't think they make crayons like that
Have you ever almost died: Not yet
Best advice anyone's given to you: "Never listen to your own advice". Nah... I made that up
What sport do you hate the most: Soccer, for a good reason
How many phones do you have in your house: Three
Do you have your own phone line: handphone
Animals: Do the fleas on my cat count?
Place for a dream house: Anywhere but here
Who would you tell your dreams to: A friend probably. But they're always changing
Who is the loudest friend: Kindly define "friend"
Who is the quietest friend: Ditto above
~~~~~You and Love~~~~~
Do you believe in love: On a good day
Do you believe in love at first sight?: Oh yeah... when I watch a movie
Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend: Yes, you. / "All good men are either taken or gay"
Did you send this to your crush: No crush available (looks hopefully around)
What song do you want played at ur funeral: Just bury me and be done with it
Lights on/off: Depends on... when *suggestively*
Do you like snow, sun, rain: Sun. I cannot abide the cold
white or chocolate milk: Chocolate. Did you know that when I was young I thought chocolate milk came from brown cows? Blame it on the packaging
Mud or Jell-O wrestling: Jell-o...
Skiing or boarding: Skiing, thanks
Day or night: Depends on my mood
Cake or pie: Specify what cake and what pie
Diamond or pearl: Whatever goes with my outfit
Sunset or sunrise: I kinda regret doing this quiz. Is anyone even going to bother?
~~~~~~Have You Ever~~~~~
Loved someone so much it made you cry: I don't live in a soap.
Smoked: My ass... I've better things to do
Weed: I get high on chocolate alone
Time finished: 11.20 am
You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and creativity, and usually are highly intelligent. Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.
Found this on Nidhi's Friendster bulletin board. Hmm. Would love to start something like that ^_^
Continue the story...
Message: Hey guys think u are all familar with the "Continue the story" game. Let's try a new way: ani one can try add your line, your name beside it & repost the bulletin... but this time, the catch is only 3 words at a time (not one sentence). let our creativity flows and see wat kind of story we will end up with!!
here goes:
There once was - andy
a naked woman - stephy
so dangerously hairy - sharon
around her belly - Jesper
and her armpit - stella
and smelt like - Jeff
jit bu sai - Jessica
Wah Lan Eh !!! - Daniel
Along came someone - Afiq
A Naked man - Adam
who is muscular - GQ
but really brainless - GwenO
has body odour - EunicE
and a high forehead - jiawei
with tiny eyes - daniel
then they met - pauline
in a restaurant - anny
that is super crowded - siti
and tremendously stinky - huimin
A cocky waiter - Pet
with a mole - yvon
came up to them - Shirley
"What you want!!??" - Charlyn
N they Said.... - Cong
"A big Bowl - Shawn
of tom yam - Lynn
and apple juice - gloria
Now run along. - Michelle
"moooley moooley moooley!" - amritoz
cried the waiter - roshni
aka Austin Powers - Geraldine
minus the teeth - **GEE**
When the food came, - Eryan
they started crying - aishah
they cried because - akash
they found Nemo - Girish
in the soup - Aston
vigorously commiting suicide - Ramani
by eating his - Lavan
little smurf dick. - Vignesh
which he couldn't - Syahirah
really lick down - Pallavi
the right way - Nidhi
Your soul is bound to the Yellow Rose: The Gentle.
"I've travelled through the land of surrender and seen it all. I throw my heart out and keep my head up, and now I travel through the land of peace."
The Yellow Rose is associated with friendship, intuition, and fun. It is governed by the goddess Hestia and its sign is The Intertwined Rings, or True Friendship.
As a Yellow Rose, you always look out for your friends. You would much rather have strong ties with friends than a single tie with a lover and your devotion to your friends is clear. You may have great intuition and be able to read emotions clearly, but sometimes you can seem distant yourself.
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